Unblending in Internal Family Systems (IFS)
Sometimes a part takes over and we don’t even notice.
We may feel consumed by rage, frozen with fear, drowned in sadness, swallowed by shame, paralyzed by procrastination, or overcome with indecision.
Unblending allows us to step back from these parts so we can observe them—without being overwhelmed.
Reacting vs. Responding
When we’re blended with a part, we react automatically.
When we’re unblended, we can respond with curiosity and compassion.
| Part | Reacting (Blended) | Responding (Unblended) |
|---|---|---|
| Inner Critic | “I can’t believe I messed that up again.” | I hear the harsh voice — what’s it afraid of? |
| Anxiety | “What if everything goes wrong?” | I feel the worry — what’s it protecting me from? |
| Procrastination | “I’ll deal with it later… I can’t face it right now.” | Something’s pulling away — what feels too much? |
| Anger | “They don’t get to treat me like that!” | I feel the heat — what’s underneath it? |
| People Pleasing | “I have to say yes or they’ll be disappointed.” | I feel pulled to agree — but do I really want to? |
The Goal of Unblending
The goal isn’t to fix the part.
The goal is to listen to it.
When we unblend, we connect with our Self — the calm, curious core that can care for all our parts.
Final Note
In IFS, all parts are welcome. Even the ones that overwhelm us are trying to help in their own way.